The Bottom of the Sky
by Raiha-chan
Summary: Companion piece to Quiet Storm. Youji's take on the situation and what really happened (before and after QS). Please R&R? ^-^


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The Bottom of the Sky

By: Raiha-chan

Pairing: Youji + Ran

Warning: Shounen ai (that was a given)

Spoilers: Asuka

Teaser: Companion piece to Quiet Storm. Youji's take on the situation and what really happened (before and after QS).

Disclaimer: Weiß Kreuz, the song and its characters does not belong to me.

Author's Notes: It is not necessary to read either the Kitten series _or_ Quiet Storm, but it does belong to the same timeline.

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The Bottom of the Sky

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When I first met him, I knew from that very second that I wanted him. But I never really noticed it until _he_ came along.

For two years, I've pushed the feeling away, clearly mistaking it for simple lust. I didn't think it was possible for me to love anyone anymore. Not after her.

Simply put, I love anything and everything that is beautiful. When it comes to people, I care very little for their gender. So when I felt this strong feeling for him, I wasn't too surprised. The man _was_ very appealing after all.

Everything changed half a year ago.

We had a mission. A very simple one at that. But as usual, Schwarz appeared and the matter became more complicated than it should have. The next thing we know, the building we were on exploded and we became short of a member.

Fujimiya Aya. The leader of our pack.

Three days passed with us doing nothing but trying to find the slightest bit of clue as to where the redhead might have disappeared off. We scored some injuries ourselves. Ken knocked himself a good one and got a few broken bones in the process. I dislocated my shoulder and Omi was probably the only who got out with only minor scrapes here and there.

So there we were, with absolutely no idea where to start looking. We tried scouring the area where the building once was but came up with nothing. Kritiker also sent out some of their best agents and still couldn't come up with anything.

But the gods above must have been smiling down on us. Aya returned three days later. Of course, being his typical self, he didn't bother to explain much to us. He simply told us someone found him, took him in and nursed him back to health. He never said that the family found someone else beside him.

One night, I returned to my apartment near midnight, an unusual time for me. But not necessarily a bad one. Aya's apartment was located just down two doors from mine. Even in my half-drunken stupor, I could hear the soft and questionable sounds being emitted from his room. Being ever so curious, I tiptoed over to his door, just in time to catch him calling out _his_ name.

I meant to confront him the moment that Schwarz bastard disappear but who knew he tends to stay until daybreak?

I remember sitting in the den, muttering softly to myself, waiting for the night to finally be over. It was as if I was sitting there, waiting for my inevitable end. I stopped my insane rambling the second I heard the soft gasp behind me.

Apparently, Omi had trotted out of his room, in search of something to drink. He came into the den because he heard voices in there. Of course, anything Omi knows, Ken would eventually knows.

Let's just say the event that took place after that wasn't very pretty.

When I saw him touching what shouldn't have been his, I was angry. Angry not because I think Aya deserved better. Angry because Aya should have been mine.

It was then that I slowly begin to realize just how deep my feelings run for the redhead.

I didn't simply want him. I wanted him body, mind and soul.

It took me a while to get his trust, to finally make him see that he doesn't need Schuldig as badly as he thought.

We went through a lot, you can say. But in the end, it was all worth it. As long as I can keep him safe, in my arms and non-other, it was worth it. Even at this point in time, I can still feel his hands on me, touching places that Aya once did.

I thought I was lost. One can't even begin to imagine what I felt during the brief period of my abduction. But the second Aya told me those three, sweet little words, I realized it was okay. Even when Aya held my life so tightly in his hands, threatening to break it, it was okay. Even if that had not been pretense, I realized that I could easily forgive him.

As long as it was Aya, anything was forgivable.

Never in a million years, however, would I even begin to think that he would go as far as that. He knew how much the girl meant to him. He knew how much he depended on her, how much pain and suffering he went through just so he could see her again. Yet, in the end, he treated her like he did his other victims.

I can't imagine what he hope to achieve by pulling that little stunt. For two whole weeks, Aya locked himself in his room, refusing to come out no matter what we did. Omi did what he could in getting the redhead to eat. And for two straight weeks, Omi did not attend school.

Manx and Birman came to help with the funeral. The cemetery wasn't too far away from the shop; by car, it would take only 15 minutes if traffic was smooth. We placed a lot of roses around.

It was me who suggested roses. I distinctly remember Aya mentioning something about how much her sister loved that particular breed of flowers. Especially the red ones.

Two weeks later, we managed to coax him out of his room. He attended the ceremony with us in dead silence. Every time his amethyst eyes meets mine, I cringed inwardly as if it was a physical blow. They had no light in them -- dead and hopeless.

The ceremony was almost over when he suddenly lashed out. It took three of us to hold him back from doing the unthinkable. I still remember the way he was pleading with us, begging us to kill him. I still remember how desperate his voice has sounded.

No one knew exactly what had happened. He had been viciously attacking the flowers. Under the torrent of blood red roses, we saw nothing but the blood that stained his hands and clothes.

Manx had him delivered to the hospital almost immediately and he wasn't allowed to leave until _she_ said he was one hundred percent well. It was a Kritiker-based medical center so the doctors didn't pay it much mind. And we all felt better to know that Aya was under such intense watching. But even with that being the issue, the Koneko did not open for weeks thereafter.

Finally, after almost a month, Aya was discharged. Physically, he had look well. But emotionally, he never recovered. When he returned home, the first he did was to lock himself in his room again.

But I was smart this time. I had made a copy of his apartment key earlier in the month, in case something like this happened. The truth is, Aya's room had been empty ever since we became a couple. So I never bothered myself with the task of duplicating his room key. I never thought it was necessary. But after what happened, I realized that a little bit of caution was necessary.

He never tried anything except a few cuts here and there. When I entered his room, shortly after he has imprisoned himself in there, I had found him sitting on the windowsill, looking out with sad eyes.

I didn't say anything to him. I let him do whatever he wanted, even if it may have been something life threatening. But sometimes, the situation would become so bad that I thought it was really the end -- for both him _and_ me. Occasionally, just for reassurance (though for who, I can never tell), I would hold his frame tightly against mine. It felt strangely comforting to feel his heart softly beating against mine.

It meant that he was still here with me. Alive and well.

"Why are you here?" he had whispered softly one night, his voice slightly muffled against my chest. "Why are you still here?"

"Because I love you."

"But why? I don't deserve to be loved by anyone. Especially you. You'd be better off with someone else."

"I don't want anyone else. Only you. You ask why…I don't know, honestly. All I know is that I want you, I love you…and I want to protect you. Even if it meant putting my life on the line for you."

"…Why?"

"I love you because I do. Do I need a reason for that? This feeling…it comes from the bottom of my heart. Isn't that enough? Isn't that enough reason for you to believe that I love you? That you _do_ deserve me?

"I love you because you're you. Because you're Aya. Because you're Ran."

He looked up at me, eyes brimming with tears. Yet, the violet-colored orbs still looks so sad. I brushed away the tears gently with a thumb.

"Will you promise me something?"

"…What?"

"Stay alive. If not for yourself, then for her. She doesn't want to see you like this and you know that. And if not for her, then for me. I need you, just as much as you need me. You know that, don't you?"

I know I was being selfish but was that simple request so terrible? I had only wanted him to be alive, even if it meant being in pain as well. I would rather have him alive and suffering than to have him dead and buried six feet under.

In the end, he promised he would. I knew he was only doing it so he could please me. I never believed for a second that he will never attempt suicide again but I lost myself in the illusions that he might have been serious after all.

A careless mistake on my part led to the near-death on his.

I came home to find him laying prone on the carpet that was slowly turning a deep red from the amount of blood that was soaking into it. I remember screaming. Not for help…just plain screaming.

Omi and Ken had ran into the room not too long afterwards. I remember watching Ken pick the unconscious bundle up and hearing Omi asking me if I was alright. At that moment, the only thing that was on my mind was Aya.

I didn't care if he was alive or not. All I know was that whatever the result may be, I would always be there by his side.

My life was his.

According to the doctor, we brought him to the hospital just in time. Though there was a tremendous amount of blood lost, we still managed to save him. Barely but we succeeded. And that's what really matters.

I never left his side. No matter how long Omi pleaded with me, I wouldn't leave. I practically _lived_ in that hospital room for those 5 days. The doctor started worrying about my health and nearly tried to do something about it. But Manx intervened and told everyone not to bother me. And they didn't.

So there I was, barely slept a wink, just waiting for him to wake up. Finally, on the sixth day, his eyes opened.

"Hey," my voice was hoarse from the lack of water intake. Aya had turned to me and for a split second, my heart threatened to leap into my throat.

"…I'm not dead."

"No, you're not." I reached out and pulled him into a tight embrace. Our tears begin to flow at the same time, mingling with each other where they meet. We sat there for hours, not moving -- simply holding each other for support and reassuring each other that we were still in the land of the living. That everything would be fine from now on.

"I made a gamble with myself. If I survived that, then I would never try to take my own life again. If I survived that, then my life would be yours. You can kill me whenever you want -- I would never hold you against it. I need you… just as much as you need me."

"I belong solely to you, just like you to me."

"And I love you… just as much as you love me."

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~~ OWARI ~~

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A/N: The song The Bottom of the Sky is actually Sora no Soko. I just changed it because the translation fits the fic better. ^^ Is this fic depressing enough? This is what happens when you keep listening to the darn song for 10+ times in a row. . It explains the general idea of what happened in the Kitten series. This wraps up the "what if?" question. ^^

And aren't you glad I didn't kill Aya? XDDD

5/21/02


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